Complicated Passions
by Alastair-Wita
Summary: Harry has just realized he's gay. He also wants his godfather Sirius. What will Sirius say to Harry's confession. Will they ever be together? Will harry ever get his man or will he fall into a depression not even Sirius can save him from.
1. Default Chapter

Authors Note: This is my first Sirius and Harry fanfic so please review and help me out. I'm not really sure what should be in them.

Disclaimer: I only own unrecognizable characters.

Summary: Harry has just realized that he's gay. He also wants his godfather Sirius. What will Sirius say to Harry's confession. Will they ever be together? Will Harry finally get his man or will he fall into a depression not even Sirius can save him from.

Chapter 1: Confessions

"Harry, Harry, wake up!"

"Five more minutes," he mumbled.

"Harold James Potter if you don't get up this instant I'll curse you into oblivion," Hermione shrieked.

"Alright, alright, I'm up." Harry slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"What time is it?"

"It's 6:15 and were about to stop. You need to put your robes on." Looking around Harry spotted a sleeping Ron.

"Hey, why didn't you wake him up?" he whined.

"Because he's already got his robes on, now go change." Grabbing his clothes from his trunk Harry stomped out of the compartment and into the bathroom. Pulling of his muggle clothes which consisted of a shirt that could probably fit a small whale and a pair of faded blue jeans he slipped on his uniform and robes. Reaching his hands up he tried to flatten his unkempt hair Once again he was unsuccessful.

"Why do I even bother." Stepping out of the bathroom he walked back to his compartment.

"Ron get up!"

"Nooooo!"

"Get your lazy arse up!"

"Never!"

"Get up or I'll dump your arse in front of the whole school," Hermione threatened. Ron shot from his on the bench to a standing position beside the door.

"Good boy." Harry laughed and stuck his clothes in his trunk. Ron yawned and sat down next to Harry.

"I don't know how you do it," Harry laughed staring at Ron.

Ron and Hermione had been going out since sixth year. Ron had finally gathered the courage to ask her at the Sorting ceremony. Hermione had quickly accepted.

"You'll find yourself a boyfriend just like her," Ron soothed patting him on the back.

Harry had finally admitted to the couple that he was gay on the train ride home from fifth year. Ron expressed his fears that Hermione would never go out with him because of Harry.

What the two didn't know was Harry was secretly in love with his godfather Sirius Black. Sirius had been freed of all charges during sixth year when Harry had defeated Voldemort. The Ministry had caught Peter Pettigrew and questioned him. Since then Harry had been living with Sirius in a flat in Hogsmeade.

The train slowly stopped and Harry, Ron and Hermione joined the swarm of students as they made their way to the exits. As Harry stepped off the train a loud accented voice reached his ears.

"Firs' years this way!"

"Hiya Hagrid," Harry greeted walking up to the half giant.

"Oh, 'ello 'Arry, how was yer summer?"

"A living hell, how was your summer?"

"Oh it was fine, jus' great. You bes' hurry on up to the castle. You don' wanna miss the ceremony." Waving goodbye Harry raced to catch up with his friends. The three grabbed a carriage and began talking animatedly about eh new year.

When hey reached the castle they hopped out and walked through the front doors and into the Great Hall.

Harry grabbed a seat towards the front of the hall and Hermione and Ron sat beside him.

"Five sickles says the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is gonna be a girl this yea," Harry said looking over at Ron.

"You're on." The boys each pulled out their money and waited for the ceremony to begin. Dumbledore stood and the hall quieted.

"Let the sorting ceremony begin." He waved his hands and the doors to the Great Hall opened to reveal a mass of small black clad students. McGonigal lead them to the front and began calling names.

"Abbot, Gerald."

A tall blonde boy stumbled to the front and placed the large dilapidated hat over his head.

"Hufflepuff," it screamed. The Hufflepuff table roared with cheers as Gerald took a seat. At the end of the ceremony their were-

63 Gryfindors

56 Ravenclaws

67 Hufflepuffs and

61 Slytherins.

Clapping his hands together Dumbledore began speaking.

"Welcome to another at Hogwarts. Before w begin the feast I have an announcement to make. I would like to reveal your new defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…" The doors opened once again. "Professor Sirius Black." Sirius stepped into the hall and gave a dramatic bow. The hall exploded with cheers. Harry's as you guessed was the loudest. Smiling he walked to the seat nest to McGonigal and sat down. She turned and congratulated him.

"Well now that that's settled please eat." The four tables were suddenly covered with foods of all sorts. Harry was just about to grab a roll when Ron stuck his hand out expectantly. Harry laughed and gave him the 5 sickles. Smiling they loaded their plates and began eating.

Every once and a while Harry would cast a sideways glance at his godfather. When dinner was over Harry followed Ron and Hermione up to the Gryfindor common room. Harry couldn't talk to Sirius yet, he had to much on his mind.

That night Harry lay awake thinking about the next day when he'd have to see Sirius. Defense Against the Dark Arts was his second class.

'Should I tell him?'

'If you do he'll think you're discusting. How could you like your own godfather,'

'What if he feels the same way?'

'He wont, he'll hate you.'

'I don't care I have to tell him. I can't live like this for to long.'

(If you're lost Harry is talking with himself)

The next morning Harry woke to the sound of Ron's snoring. He looked over at his clock ( I know they probably don't have clocks in the wizarding world, so just work with me on this one) 6:47. They had 13 minutes 'till breakfast started. Crawling out of bed he walked over to Ron.

"Ron get up," Harry ordered poking him in the side.

"mmmrgghnnmmm," he mumbled.

"Oh Ron, Hermione is snogging Malfoy." Ron quickly sat up. Harry laughed.

"Why do you two insist on doing that to me," Ron whined stumbling out of bed to get to his trunk.

"Because we can." The boys changed into their robes and went down to the common room to wait for Hermione.

"Thanks for waiting," she smiled as she descended the stairs. Ron gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and escorted her out the portrait hole. Harry followed.

As they were about to enter the hall someone tapped Harry on the shoulder. He turned to see a smiling Sirius.

"Good morning," Harry said hugging his godfather.

"And to you," he said. "Harry why didn't you talk with me after the feast I wanting to have a chat?" Sirius asked looking confused.

"Uuumm, well… ya see.. I." Sirius smiled again.

"It doesn't matter we can have one now."

"Sirius can we go to your office I need to tell you something?" Harry asked. Sirius nodded and lead him down the hall and into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Sirius," Harry began nervously, " please say you wont hate me after I tell you this." Sirius looked at him sincerely and nodded.

"Harry I could never hate you." Taking a large breath Harry began.

"Sirius you know how I told you I was gay over the summer." He nodded again.

"Well……….."

Authors Note: Don't forget to review.


	2. Chapter 2: Rejection and the Patronous

Author's Note: I'd like to think my two betas. Rin DeRomanus and Jaleandra-la-lok. Thanks guys.

Complicated Passions

Chapter 2: Rejection and the Patronous

"Sirius I think I'm falling in love with you!" he blurted. Harry quickly covered his mouth. Sirius nodded slowly. Taking a deep breath he began to speak.

"Well Harry I won't deny that I find you immensely attractive in both s physical and intellectual way, but we cannot act on these opinions of each other." Harry stared at him shocked.

"What do you mean we can't act on them," he asked, his courage growing, "why?" Sirius sighed.

"Harry there are why we can't be together. Mainly because I am your godfather and legal guardian." Harry nodded disbelievingly.

"None of that matters to me. I don't care what people say." He stood.

"I need to get to class," he mumbled heading towards the door.

"Harry wait, lets talk about this!" Sirius said. Harry shook his head.

"What's their to talk about? You don't want to be with me because you're afraid of what people will say. You can't love me." With that said Harry left leaving a stunned Sirius to mull over his words.

Harry ran as fast as he could from the room and back to his dorm. He threw himself onto his bed, crying into his arms.

"Why did I tell him? I knew this would happen!" he sobbed.

"I've ruined everything. How could I have been so stupid. Sirius Black love me. What was I thinking." Harry slowly rolled onto his stomach, pushing his head into his pillow.

He looked up slightly at his clock. 8:15. Class had already started.

'I can't go to his class. I'll never make it through. But if I don't He'll think I 'm a baby and can't handle my own emotions or something like that. I'll take a shower and skip McGonigal's class then I'll go to his.' Sighing Harry heaved himself out of bed and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

Pulling off his robes he stepped in and turned on the hot water. He scrubbed himself mercilessly as if his troubles would wash away with the water. Wiping away his escaping tears he turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around his waist and threw on another pair of robes. Grabbing his wand and books he looked at the clock. 9:10. Ten minutes 'till Defense Against the Dark Arts. Taking a deep breath he descended the stairs and exited the common room. He lowly made his way to his godfather's class room.

When he reached the door he sat outside waiting for Hermione and Ron.

"Harry, where were you?" Hermione asked helping Harry off the floor, "We missed you in Transfiguration." Harry smiled.

"Sorry guys I had a few things to work out,"he sighed. Ron laughed.

"You're lucky you missed the class. It was so boring. I fell asleep twice. Well shall we enter?" Ron asked motioning towards the door. Harry nodded slowly and entered the room. Sirius wasn't there.

The three grabbed seats in the back of the class and began talking.

'So Harry what do you think of Sirius being our new teacher?" Hermione piped, "Cool isn't it."

"Yeah great," he said unenthusiastically.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Ron asked.

"Not now, I'll tell you later." He nodded and faced the front. Sirius entered the room smiling widely. He scanned the class and his eyes rested on Harry. He coughed and looked away.

"Welcome all to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I am Professor Black. But you can call me Sirius, Professor, or Hey Ugly, I'm easy." The class laughed.

"Now since it's my first year teaching I'm not really used to how things go on around here so please feel free to correct me if I make any mistakes. Now lets begin. I remember when I came here the teachers always started out the year really boring, so I want to start with something fun. If you don't mind." The class all nodded with approval.

"Good, what do you think about the Patronous. It's a fairly difficult spell, but lets see if we can't master it. Who in this class knows what the Patronous is?" Hermione's hand shot into the air. Sirius smiled.

"Yes Hermione."

"The Patronous is a spell used to ward off Dementors. With a less skilled wizard you will only produce a light mass, but with an educated wizard you can form that light into a figure by using a very powerful thought."

"Great, 15 points to Gryfindor. Anyone up for a demonstration?"

'YES,' the class said in unison. Sirius pulled his wand out of his pocket, but stopped.

"I have a better idea. Lets have someone in the class produce a Patronous. I happen to know someone who is quite skilled in the spell." Sirius looked up at Harry.

"Harry would you please come up to the front." Whispers flooded the class room as Harry stood. He slowly walked to the front.

'I wont show how I feel,' he thought. Standing next to Sirius he whispered.

"I'll kill you for this." Sirius only smiled.

"Now Harry you know what to do." Sirius stepped back. Harry closed his eyes and tried to bring up the memory of his father holding him when he was little. But he couldn't, images of Sirius being released of his charges, Sirius holding him when he had a nightmare of his parents murder, Sirius congratulating him when he had defeated Voldemort

"Expecto Patronum," he screamed the memory of Sirius in his head. The class gasped. Harry opened his eyes and gawked. Instead of a large silvery stag, a light image of Sirius stood in front of him smiling. Harry quickly shook his head as the image disappeared.

Shoving his wand back into his pocket he raced out of the classroom and collapsed outside the door. Seconds later Sirius exited the room and looked around. Spotting Harry he walked over.

"Harry are you okay?" he asked sliding down next to him. He shook his head

"Sirius I just need to be alone for a while. I need to think. I can't deal with all this when you're around. I just… I …" He raked a shaky hand through his hair. Sirius nodded.

"Well if you ever need to talk I'll be here. I'll write you a note that dismisses you from class today. And Harry……..I do love you." Sirius got up and went back into the room. Moaning Harry stood up and walked back to his dorm.

"That was so embarrassing," he sighed sitting down on his bed.

"He said he loves me. But he means in a father son platonic way. Why do I have to like him that way? Why cant I be normal.?" He shifted and lay down on his back, so he could stare at the ceiling.

"I just need to sleep on it. Things will be different in the morning," he decided unconvincingly, "I won't love him like that. I won't hurt anymore." He closed his eyes and let sleep take over his conscious state.

Author's Note: Hoped ya all liked it. Please review!!!!!


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